At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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