Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
