I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
