I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
