So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
