yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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