Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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