TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
