help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Non-Jews are for practice
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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