My Higher Power is John Stamos
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
