Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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