anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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