Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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