Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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