Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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