I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
