I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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