Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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