First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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