how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
