I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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