i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
...so i touched it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
