I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
