Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
