i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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