Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
