It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
