literally had 100 drinks last night.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
