Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
