i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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