The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
