There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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