Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
