pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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