I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
