At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
