girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Holy sore nipples Batman
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
