I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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