no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
