So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if only i could text you this smell
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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