***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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