Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
