Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
