just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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