She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
