wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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