how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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