We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
