you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
