I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
