After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
