u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
