Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
