just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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