Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
