hotel room ftw
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
